Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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