my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
