You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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