I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
