WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
