I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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