Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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