he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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