Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
