Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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