Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
