I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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