yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
