We need to rekindle our bromance
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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