I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
