Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
