Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
