So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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