There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
