You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
