I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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