so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize