You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
