put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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