would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
