Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize