I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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