my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize