I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
