smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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