He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
