i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
