I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
