Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
