five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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