I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think people are normalizing furries
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
