do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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