so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
