Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
