Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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