I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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