My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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