If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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