My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They took my balls.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
