Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
