Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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