the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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