if i can run in heels then i can drive
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
