all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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