I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
