I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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