Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
