i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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