I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
