so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
