if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
