she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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