You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
