Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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