Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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