tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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