in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
