Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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