I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
