Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
