): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Houston, we have a blender
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
