i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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