Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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