when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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