You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
