Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
