I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
