how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
