Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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