hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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