I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
