I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
